Outset Island: Forest of Faeries

Link's birthday seems to keep getting worse. Not only does he have to wear a fruity outfit, but now pirates have come to the island, a monstrosity in the form of the Helmaroc King is on the rampage, and a girl has been dropped into the Forest of Faeries at the island's peak. Time to save the day!

	As Aryll mentioned, you're going to need a sword if you want to rescue that girl who fell into the woods. And who is the most likely person to have a sword? If you said Rose or Sue-Belle, you're an idiot. You're looking for Orca. Head on over to his place and ask him to teach you his ways.
You're now given a sword to train with. To swing it, just press the 'B' button. The first technique Orca will teach you is the horizontal slice, which can be performed just by pressing 'B' without'L'-targeting. Keep pressing 'B' to perform a combo attack.And let's face it: if you can't figure this one out, you should put the controller down before you hurt yourself or others with your incompetence.
	Next is the vertical slice. To pull this one off, just 'L'-target Orca and press 'B'. As before, multiple swings result in a combo. Easy enough. Keep in mind that if you perform the wrong attack, Orca will knock you to the ground and force you to try again until you get it right. Abusive, if you ask me.
Now you must learn to thrust. Let's skip the lame sex jokes and just move on, shall we? This is just like the vertical slice, but you should be holding the control stick forward. Like the horizontal and vertical slices, this one also has a combo attack. Thrusts are good for piercing enemies who tend to block other attacks.
	Next is the spin attack, a useful technique for whittling down mobs of enemies that are surrounding you. To use it, hold down 'B', and then release. Link will whip his sword around three-hundred and sixty degrees.
The parry attack is next, which is a new addition to the Zelda series. It allows you to dodge enemy strikes and perform a counterattack. To use it, first make sure you're 'L'-targeting your foe, then when you see the 'A' icon in the corner of the screen flash, press 'A'. Depending on the attack used against him, Link will either roll around behind the enemy and slice upwards, or flip over and slice their heads.
	Last is the jump attack. To pull this one off, you must already have your sword drawn. Then, 'L'-target an enemy and press 'A'. Link will perform a flying leap at his foe and bring his sword down on them. This attack tends to do more damage than your typical slice.
When training is done, Orca will give you the Hero's Sword. Better get used to swordplay, because this weapon's going to be your best friend for a long time. Unfortunately, it won't let you gouge out your neighbors' eyes.
	Say your goodbyes to Orca, because when Link's grandma finds out about the sword, you probably won't be seeing him again for a while.
Test your sword out. There's a group of trees next to the outdoor bath that's protecting a Yellow Rupee, among other goodies. Yellow Rupees are worth 10 Rupees, FYI. Cut those trees down with a single swing of your Hero's Sword to grab the cash.
	Now that you have a sword, you can also cut grass, so you can go claim your chump change from Mesa's yard now, if you want.
While you're there, go inside Mesa's house and crouch down. There's a small hole you can crawl through under the bed. Sure, you can wait 'til night falls and then scare the crap out of Mesa, but time is unfortunately frozen on this island.
	Instead, crawl into the secret room behind the bed. The treasure chest contains a Red Rupee. Don't feel bad about barging into a neighbor's house and stealing their life's savings--after all, he didn't even pay you for cutting his grass.
By now, you've probably noticed a small ship at the docks close to your house. This is Beedle's Shop Ship. Swim to the barrel on its side, climb up, and enter.
	Inside, you'll meet Beedle, one of the Great Sea's creepiest denizens. Not only does he exaggerate anything and have many retarded exclamations, but he's just about the ugliest guy I've ever seen. In any case, Beedle runs a chain of shops throughout the world, and you'd do well to visit him every now and then to stock up on supplies, painful as that may be. Also, note that he mails you special 'benefits' for buying enough items. Creepy.
First, buy the Bait Bag. It only costs 20 Rupees, and it's worth far more. The Bait Bag will allow you to hold up to eight different satchels of bait. It holds All-Purpose Bait and Hyoi Pears, which Beedle just happens to be selling at this shop ship.
	Now, buy five pouches of All-Purpose Bait. Don't ask me why it's called All-Purpose...I guess because it can be used for several different things? For one, it will make pigs dig up the earth and attracts seagulls. It also makes unfriendly Rats stop attacking. However, its main purpose won't be clear until you've completed your first real dungeon. All-Purpose Bait can be used three times.
Finally, buy three Hyoi Pears. Their use is much more straightforward. Simply put, it allows you to control seagulls. More on that later.
	Now you can head to the Forest of Faeries. Hopefully, that girl didn't get eaten by monsters while you were dicking around. Head up the path next to Mesa's house. That obnoxious row of trees that was blocking the road before can now be cut down with your sword.
The music fades out as you reach the summit of the eastern island. Now, head across the rope bridge. Contrary to video game law, this bridge won't break (yet). There is a missing plank in it, though, so make sure you carefully jump across it. When you get to the western island, head through the rock wall into the Forest of Faeries.
	The girl is hanging from a nearby tree limb, unconscious, but you'll have to get there first. As you proceed, you may notice a hollow log. Crawl through it, because a Red Rupee is inside.
As you crawl out of the log's other side, a cutscene will show you a monster waiting for you. It's a Bokoblin, and you should get used to fighting them, because they're the game's most common enemy. Sometimes they wield Boko Sticks or machetes, but this particular one is unarmed. It can be dispatched easily if you use 'L'-targeting and just swing your sword.
	You'll soon get to a large boulder. Read the sign to learn that a Great Fairy resides here. Oh no, not those maniacal ladies! Fortunately, you can't get into the fountain yet. In fact, you'll have to come back much later with explosives. Though, really, if they're anything like the Great Fairies from Ocarina of Time, do you really want to come back?
When you reach the clearing ahead, two bird monsters, Kargarocs, will each drop a Bokoblin down to face you, before flying off. Pussies. You only have to take out the Bokoblins. You can use a spin attack to do this, but it's easier to just focus on one at a time and hack away.
	After you defeat the Bokoblins, a long sequence of cutscenes will ensue. To sum things up, Aryll gets kidnapped (is that bad?) by the Helmaroc King. You'll also learn that the girl you saved is Tetra, leader of the pirates that came to the island. Quill, the postman you saw earlier, convinces Tetra to take you to the Forsaken Fortress and save Aryll. Don't let Tetra's kindness fool you, though; you'll soon learn that she may as well be Queen Bitch.
You'll also meet two of Tetra's lackeys. One of them is Gonzo, who is very protective of Tetra and doesn't seem to like the idea of having Link around. He'll have to deal with it, though, or he might get a shiny sword up his ass. The other pirate with Tetra is Niko, a an over-excitable kid who is basically the other pirates' bitch. Naturally, he's looking for a bitch too, and it looks like you're going to be it. Oh goody.
	However, before you can leave, Tetra wants Link to get a shield. The one that was hanging on the wall at Link's house should do nicely. Head over there and climb up to the second floor to see that it's been taken. Go back downstairs.
Grandma hands Link the Hero's Shield, which should come in handy. To use it, just hold down the 'R' trigger while 'L'-targeting. It'll let you block most enemy attacks. If it didn't, it wouldn't be much of a shield, huh?
	Go outside and equip and use one of your Hyoi Pears. A seagull will fly over and gulp it hole, and you'll gain control over it.
To make the seagull fly higher, use the control stick to guide it and press 'A' to flap its wings. Pressing 'B', 'START', or the 'R' trigger will cause you to release control of the seagull. If you fly too far away from Link's position, it will turn around automatically. First, fly to the very tip of the watchtower and get the Red Rupee.
	There's also a Blue Rupee on top of the awning over the outdoor bath. Blue Rupees are worth 5 Rupees. Now, release control of the seagull.
While you were flying around, you probably noticed an opening on the roof of Rose's house. You can actually get up there. To do so, stand on the pig pen fence and climb up the wooden ledges to the roof. Then, drop into the open window.
	You'll land in the attic, which is full of jars, pots, barrels, and crates. Most of them are filled with Rupees and Recovery Hearts. To knock the crates off the wall, just roll into the wall. You can't get out the same way you came in, so drop down the hole behind some of the containers and exit the house.
Now, go back your house. There is a well-hidden crawlspace under the porch, so crouch down and crawl in. Follow the path to the basement.
	A chest in this well-hidden room contains an Orange Rupee, which is worth a whopping 100 Rupees! Oh, happy day! Link's quickly turning into the next Donald Trump.
There's also a crawlspace under Mesa's porch, but it doesn't lead to anything other than a Green Rupee, which is worth 1 Rupee. Joy...
	To end this segment of the game, go talk to Tetra and tell her you're ready to set off to the Forsaken Fortress. However, you'll probably be lucky if you even make it there under the watchful eyes of Tetra's gangbanger pirates.

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